Unnerving

I’m not a social butterfly. I’m not as graceful as a swan. I’m awkward. Words don’t always come easily when I’m talking and the ones that do are usually foul. I’m not the “cool kid” — never have been. Some people don’t easily relate to me and most don’t relate at all. I’m the odd one… That girl with the unnerving stare.

I could probably write all day about what I’m not. At least, I could write for a long time before crumbling into the fetal position, sobbing. What I can’t seem to write about is what I am — not in any positive terms. So, I’ve challenged myself to sit here and hash it out. Good qualities, it’s your time to shine.

  • I see beauty in all things. There is a light to every dark.
  • I try to see all sides of an issue, which makes me a good problem solver. I love puzzles. I will dissect the matter until a solution presents itself.
  • I’m devoted. I will stand and fight with and for those I love.
  • I love deeply and with all my being.

Four things… It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s four things that I normally overlook about myself in order to say, “I’m not enough.” Do I only have four good qualities? No, there’s more, but four is enough for now. They are wonderful qualities to have, and some of the many reasons that I love being me. Many people think, since I deal with so many negative thoughts, I must not love myself. One thing I’m proud of is that my mind doesn’t constantly tell me, “I hate you,” anymore. I might not always be able to make the bad thoughts go away, but I know from what illness they were born. “I’m not enough” has the power to get under my skin and make me start believing it, but it doesn’t make me hate myself.

So what if I have an unnerving stare?

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